Michael Neenan & Windy Dryden
London: Routledge, 2002 (reprinted 2003, 2005, 2006 & 2008).
186 pages. Paperback. £12.99.
ISBN: 978-1-58391-138-9

Reviewed by Emma Wallace

This book provides a practical, evidencebased approach to coaching which is firmly enshrined in cognitive behavioural therapy. It covers common problems faced by people in their lives and provides us with greater insight into how underlying emotional factors affect our behaviour. Throughout, there are coaching examples which bring the text to life as well as practical strategies and advice to facilitate change. My approach to writing this review has been to summarise the key messages in the book with the hope that it will provide the reader with an aidememoire outlining many of the central themes of cognitive based coaching. Whether I have achieved this or not, I encourage coaching psychologists, coaches, our coaching clients and indeed anyone who is interested in making positive changes in their lives, to read this book.

Dealing with troublesome emotions: The book addresses the often commonly held misconception by coaching clients, that others are responsible for the way they feel.The author firmly puts ‘ourselves’ into the frame and emphasizes the fact that in reality it is ourselves who are responsible for the way we feel. Emphasis is placed on the work of the American Psychologist Dr Albert Ellis and his work in the field of cognitive behavioral psychology. We are reminded of his ABC model that emphasizes that the consequences of events that occur in our lives are shaped by our beliefs or thoughts about the event more than the event itself. The phrase offered by the author and others ‘you feel as you think’ is a useful mantra for anyone seeking change in their lives. The book focuses on the common ‘thinking traps’ that we adopt when we are emotionally upset, but also addresses the underlying core beliefs that are at the root of our thinking. Understanding what these core beliefs are and disputing them, and developing more constructive beliefs can help us be more resilient in times of emotional crisis. The clear message from the book is that we can change, but we have to work hard in order to develop new ways of thinking.

Overcoming procrastination: How many of us could honestly say that nothing holds us back? The main causes of procrastination, that of anxiety, low frustration tolerance (LFT) and rebellion are explained. The worry is that procrastinators tend to delay their own self-development and even avoid tasks that can make life so much easier. The authors stress that procrastination is underpinned by emotional problems and it is important to understand what these are before tackling it. As coaches, we can help uncover these problems and help our clients to implement effective strategies for change.Time Management: ‘Time management is about self-management’ is a message clearly stated in the book. We are provided with a list of behaviours that are indicative of poor time management, as well as a number of behavioral patterns that affect our ability to manage our time (e.g. perfectionism, procrastination, poor delegation, unassertiveness). We are prompted to identify our own, as well as our coaching client’s values and goals in life in order to manage time effectively. The emphasis is placed on phasing out those activities that don’t measure up and to identify what factors may be inhibiting our ability to achieve our goals. Techniques are provided on how to monitor our use of time and how to prioritize our workloads. The coaching example identifies the importance of accepting that changing our behaviour may result in us being less popular with others however it is pointed out that this is an acceptable risk to take in our pursuit of our goals. Ultimately we choose whether to like ourselves and a key theme throughout the book is the concept of self acceptance. We will be happier in life if we accept ourselves irrespective of what others think; after all we have very little control over what they think of us anyway. Emphasis is also placed on the fact that like all changes we make, our time management needs constant monitoring.

Persistence: As coaches we aim to facilitate change and promote the development of our clients. Change requires persistence. Therefore, we are urged to engender a philosophy of persistence in our coaching clients as well as in ourselves! Arnold et al. (1995) stated that motivation is made up of three components: direction, effort and persistence. We are reminded that there are no quick fixes and that change only comes with perseverance and hard work. Dryden (1994c) refers to short-term hedonism which is much the same as low frustration tolerance. We recognize that change is preferable but we can’t put up with the discomfort or effort involved in achieving our longer term goals and resort to short-term pleasures instead. The focus of this book as well as that of coaching per se, is pointed out by Greiger and Boyd (1980) and is based on the notion that current problems may have links to the past, but it is today’s behaviour and beliefs that maintain them. Self-deprecation is not a useful strategy for change, nor is relying on others, believing you are predisposed to behave in certain ways, worrying about not succeeding, believing you are too old to change or thinking things will change overnight. It is hardly surprising that we think change is hard work - it is, but the book helps individuals and coaches alike, to understand what needs to be done in order to promote long lasting improvements.

Dealing with criticism: A common issue for coaching clients is how to constructively deal with criticism. We are reminded to educate our clients of the fact that it is not being criticized that determines how they feel about it, it is how they themselves feel about it that is important. We are encouraged to educate them to understand that they are their own ‘gatekeepers’ - and it is entirely up to them what they want to keep out or let in. Constantly seeking approval from others will place them in a subordinate position and ‘de-coupling’ themselves from their actions is the key to self acceptance. Needs are demands (i.e. shoulds), which are often rigid and self-defeating, whereas desires are preferences which are much more productive. The self-worth and happiness of individuals rests in their own hands and thinking rationally about criticism and deciding on appropriate courses of action to change where necessary will help in this pursuit. Identifying and dealing with one’s ‘inner critic’ is central to self acceptance and a happier life. While we are on the subject of criticism, my only significant point for this book is that the concept of work-based performance evaluation, a central theme in coaching, is given only limited attention. I would have thought that owing to the fact that it is such an important area it would have perhaps warranted further coverage.

Assertiveness: Assertion is defined by Hauck (1991a) as ‘standing up for one’s rights without anger’ whilst recognizing that the other person has rights and that one should strive to achieve a satisfactory outcome for both parties. The book addresses the commonly held misconceptions about assertiveness and outlines the common blocks to assertiveness. By encouraging our coaching clients to identify areas of interpersonal difficulty in their lives they can develop goals for change. Dryden (1992) provides us with ‘eight steps to healthy self-assertion’ which can help our clients to overcome the emotional blocks that hinder assertive behaviour.Taking risks and making decisions: We are prompted to consider whether we wish our life was more exciting and challenging? And if so, why isn’t it? It focuses on enabling the reader to think positively about risk as a way of improving their lives and advocates that the key reasons for avoiding risk are fear of failure or rejection. We are encouraged to take the ‘horror’ out of risk taking and reprogram our minds to down grade the emotional consequences of failure or rejection. It is possible to maintain high professional standards without being perfect and an example given of a coaching client with a ‘stress pattern of perfectionism’ is likely to resonate with many readers. Perfectionism, rather than being an attribute, more often results in unhelpful behaviour. For example if we constantly strive for it we can put extreme pressure on ourselves to achieve it which can result in anxiety and over preparing for a task. Worst still we will avoid doing the task altogether because we won’t do it perfectly. The old saying from Voltaire (1764) ‘the best is the enemy of the good’ is as appropriate today for perfectionists as it was then. We are further encouraged to accept that we will feel uncomfortable or unconfident when approaching new tasks but that we should get on with it in order to overcome these feelings.Understanding the personal change process: Change is an exciting and yet for some, frightening part of life. The process of facing up to the fact that one has a problem or issue that needs to be addressed is covered, along with a nine-staged approach on how to successfully promote change. We are reminded that challenging core beliefs and assessing whether they are logical, realistic or helpful are powerful ways to overcome troublesome emotions. Again emphasis is placed on self-acceptance and the fact that we should not rate ourselves on the basis of our actions and to accept that we are fallible rather than subjecting ourselves to a continual cycle of self-denigration. As Dr Albert Ellis puts it deliberately ‘push’ yourself to be uncomfortable until you find whatever it is, easy. Accept that you will not feel in control and that you will have to learn from your mistakes, take risks and struggle with a lack of self confidence before you are truly competent. ‘Struggle first-succeed later!’ This book also provides hope and advice to those who do lapse by stressing that they need to accept that they may do whilst offering them with a problem solving approach to get back on track.

So to conclude, this book addresses the common problems faced by people in their lives. We are encouraged, in order to increase personal effectiveness, to learn selfacceptance, raise our frustration tolerance, think for ourselves, take calculated risks, balance short- and long-term interests, learn to accept uncertainty, take responsibility for ourselves, exercise enlightened self-interest, develop vitally absorbing interests, think and act flexibly, develop realistic expectations and learn tolerance. I initially felt uncomfortable with the book’s title, after all the term ‘life coaching’ is banded about so freely these days. However, on reflection this book helped me to see that this term is not so bad after all, as long as ‘life coaching’ is supported by evidence based practice. It provides practical advice to those wishing to undertake self-initiated change but is also an excellent reference for coaching psychologists and coaches facilitating others to lead more fulfilling lives.

References

Arnold, J., Cooper, C.L. & Robertson, I.T. (1995). Work psychology: Understanding human behaviour in the workplace (2nd ed.). London: Pitman Publishing.

Dryden, W. (1992). The incredible sulk. London: Sheldon.

Dryden, W. (1994c). 10 steps to positive living. London: Sheldon.

Grieger, R. & Boyd, J. (1980). Rational-emotive therapy: A skills-based approach. New York: Van Nostrand Reinhold.

Hauck, P.A. (1991a). RET and the assertive process. In M.E. Bernard (Ed.), Using rational-emotivetherapy effectively: A practitioner’s guide. New York: Plenum.